What No One Tells You About Living Overseas
For those women that have made a massive choice to move overseas, I hear you, I see you. You are not alone in what you are feeling, and your feelings ARE valid, despite the fact YOU made the decision to move to another country, it does not diminish from the dark side of moving overseas.
And the reason no one tells you about it, I imagine, is because it’s not something that can be truly explained. It is something to be felt. To be experienced. Let me begin this blog by stating that I can’t ever imagine not having moved here to the UK, however there are parts of it that have been a struggle. Sure, people tell you there are waves. Ebbs and flows. Highs and lows of picking up your entire life and moving to another country. Some will even tell you that you’ll get to a point where you wish you’d never moved. I haven’t fell that, and I hope I never will. I have however felt, I guess, homesick. Homesick for the people, the places, and your old life. You can’t just pick up the phone and call someone. First you have to see what time it is back home. Making sure you aren’t waking someone up in the middle of the night. Scheduling your breakdowns at a certain time of the day so you know someone will be awake to talk to (just in case).
Even now, I’m listening to music that is imprinted to memories, places and people. And when I listen to it here, the music feels weird, unmatched, and out of place. To be fair, some of the music I have in my playlists have been imprinted to the time after mum had passed away, so those songs have their own space in my mind now. It’s bizarre, music seems to be the hardest crossover. It’s almost as though I will need new playlists that are in line with my new life. When I listen to the music I’ve loved, it takes me back to another time, another life and I get stuck in those memories and feelings.
Tangent, I know. Where was I? Oh yes, the dark side of moving overseas. For me, it’s hard to talk about, to anyone. I’ve always been like that, keeping my true feelings and emotions to myself. Never wanting to bother people with my troubles. I suppose there are many reasons for that. Why should they have to endure what’s going on in my head? I can just manage it alone. I suppose another reason is that I don’t want to appear weak. And to me, calling your friends, or family when you’re upset or something is going on, feels like weakness. Though I know logically that is not true, and calling upon the people that love you is a sign of strength. It is simply a story we tell ourselves, which isn't true. I know that’s what friends are for, and I have some of the best. The number of nights I have just sat with myself and cried, are countless. But don't tell anyone, shhh.... It's interesting, how we see things differently to what others see. Why is it that everyone else can see what I’ve done as this massive, amazing thing, and I see it as simply the next stage of my life? Or perhaps it’s both? Perhaps I simply need to give myself more credit for what I have achieved in my life. Another thing I should probably talk to a psychologist about. I'll add it the list of things that surely make me a bit mad, but inevitably .... me.
For me, there have been lots of small things that are just different. I describe it as being like in a parallel universe, where everything is the same but a little bit different. Things like how the doctors work and getting your medications. The crosswalks at an intersection. The names of the cinemas. The brands in a supermarket. The cabs.
You’ve probably seen the Tik Tok: You’ve moved overseas, but you’re not a tourist, you’re not a visitor, but you’re not a native either. There’s this weird place in-between that we fit in to. You are now something between your old life and your new life. There are days that you can’t talk with anyone from back home because they are asleep or busy with their own life. And rightly so. So here you are in a new country, and you are both incredibly happy but sad as well. You’ve made this incredible decision and change in your life (that alone is something to be celebrated!) but you’re starting over again. Not only are you navigating a new city, but you are also trying to meet new people as well, potential new romantic relationships, starting a new business, all while trying to understand why you feel excited, happy and joy, all whilst feeling sad, angry, and confused. For me, it was like stepping into a dream, a fog covering me wherever I went. Even while I’m writing this, I feel myself holding back tears, while at the same time making plans for drink dates with English men and brunch dates with new friends.
There will be days you just want to stay inside and cry and that’s ok. It’s ok to feel sad and confused even though you are aware you made this choice. Big life choices like this, takes courage, it takes resilience, and it takes fearlessness to pack up your entire life, put your belongings into a couple of suitcases, say goodbye to your humans, say goodbye to what you know, say goodbye to your old life, get on a plane and start somewhere else.
Perhaps you are considering moving overseas or perhaps you already have, or perhaps you just needed to know that someone else felt the same as you, so you don’t feel so alone. Whatever got you here, know that although there are those moments of sadness, or confusion or mere disbelief that I am here, know, that I would never change any of it. Not one single moment. I would still choose to pack my life into some suitcases, say goodbye to my brother at the airport, land in a new country and start a new life. I wouldn’t change any of it and I dare you to be curious, be uncomfortable, and embrace life.
Love Rosie xo
(originally published in 2024)
